@matt:

Same topic. Stronger reader value.

Speaker line:

“The first version tells readers the topic. The revision tells readers which belief may now be unsafe.”

Walkthrough:

• Before: topic, trend, question.
• After: field belief, instability, risk, sharper research question.
• Emphasize that the revision is not about making English fancier. It makes the reader’s problem visible.

Possible phrasing:

“The student version is not embarrassing. It is good English. But professional writing is unfair in an interesting way: good English can still fail if it does not create value fast enough.”